god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
they're like a gay fantastic four
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
