Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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