There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
