I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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