If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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