lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
