i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
