all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
