they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
