thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
