You're completely useless in the revolution.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
