I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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