nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
