she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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