he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
