I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
