fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
