I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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