Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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