I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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