He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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