I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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