The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Found the puke drawer
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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