you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
