Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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