Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
