By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
