I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
