He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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