lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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