I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
