Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
