Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
