fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
