During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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