dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize