im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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