Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
