Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
