now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
