Welp...herpes.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
