i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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