I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
