I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
