i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
