I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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