hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
