She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
