I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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