Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
