he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
