nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She is in my trunk
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
