I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
did i just pee glitter
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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