I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
