i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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