the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
