Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
