I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
should my penis look like a turkey
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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