You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
