"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
